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We've been close companions with a woman, who has overcome many challenges, her resilience is commendable. But, she's often taken by surprise in relationships. Her husband walked away, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances vanished during that time, since they had been drawn to him. It shocked her deeply. She put in more effort to be my friend, likely understood more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few in her circle vanished without her being certain of the reason. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, although she was highly competent, and she left without knowing why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both stepped back from work and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship is as the audience. I open subjects and she changes the talk toward things she cares about. Politically, she expresses unyielding views. I try to propose factchecking and alternate views.

She's been arranging a holiday abroad I know well many times and lived in for some time. My intention was to provide insights, however, my input unappreciated. She really just desired my agreement with her plans. I recently come back from a month in that country she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she will ever understand the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

It's possible to end things abruptly, however, that approach is rarely the easy answer that we desire. But confrontation aiming for working things out requires bravery and willingness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step requires explaining how things go in your conversations. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. Next is to express the way it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument about this. Emotions belong to you, after all. The third step is to question ways you together can shift the interaction of your friendship."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, so you need to remain ready to acknowledge it. A helpful technique involves stating your friend:

"Now you talk while I will remain silent for half an hour."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss everything, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version about themselves they cannot let go of since their identity relies on it and it's all they've known. It's tough as there is no thoroughfare with these people, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out this way before reflecting on your words. And even if you never reach an agreement, you'll have closure that you've been truthful.